Let's Talk about Grief

I am in it right now. “It” being grief. Almost two weeks ago, I took a leap of faith by leaving my secure job to start my own business. Who could have predicted that social distancing and the gradual shut down of society would begin on the day I left my job? That same day, my best friend found out her wife was leaving her. The day after that, I attended a funeral for a beloved uncle. And, a few days after that, I found out my eighty-year-old, immune-compromised father had been admitted to the hospital for breaking his hip. All of this happened within a week or so, and all during the added terror of Covid-19. 

This quarantine causes daily stress and anxiety about our futures – personally, professionally, and globally. It causes confusion about adhering to new policies and procedures for remote work. It causes shame for those people who aren’t technologically savvy. It causes panic for those who are losing jobs. It causes some relief for those who hate socializing. And joy for those families who finally have some time to spend together. It causes vulnerability for those having to reach out for help and fear for those who are immune-compromised. The full spectrum of emotions is alive and well during this time. 

Grief is complicated emotions. That’s it. It doesn’t necessarily mean there has been a death or divorce. When someone is grieving, they are simultaneously experiencing opposing emotions like sadness, denial, and anger. Our entire country is grieving right now. We are sitting in a puddle of emotions and it is time to acknowledge that. 

We are a country of hustlers. We are fighters who in the face of uncertainty, step up, and make something happen. It has been incredible to watch so many people, groups, and organizations figure out creative ways to continue working, to continue giving back, and to continue pushing this country forward. However, there are problems with the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality. One is that it doesn’t make space for grief. 

Grief needs to be shared and processed. If you ignore or bottle up all of those emotions, one day the bottle will explode. We need to mindfully sit in these emotions with others or intentionally journal about them. We need to recognize our shared humanity and ask how our colleagues, family, and friends are actually doing. And we need to answer honestly. We need to acknowledge that there is no right or wrong emotion to feel. You can enjoy your time with family and simultaneously feel irritated that school is closed. You can feel accomplished when you set up your first Zoom meeting and feel embarrassed you said the wrong thing to your boss. You can share your fears, anxieties, and stresses and still remain hopeful and full of gratitude. 

My mantra is “Experiences are Different, but Emotions are the Same.” Everyone is experiencing this quarantine differently, but we all know dread, exhaustion, confusion, happiness, relief, awkwardness, and pain. Let’s start sharing our complicated emotions during this time and avoid the bottle exploding. We will be stronger leaders, stronger role models, stronger partners, and stronger friends. We cannot take care of others, until we take care of ourselves.